My son’s hockey team won their way into the State tournament! This tournament is pretty much what they practice for all season long. Getting to State is a huge deal for the kids and the organization that they play for. The kids were excited, and they were ready. The first game was a big one – it was against a great team, and the outcome of the game would determine if they would go into the bracket where they would play for first place or the Consolation Champs bracket (at best). They lost that first game of the State tournament. Their hopes of playing for first were completely squashed. And, they still had two more games to play in the tournament.

Losing is a part of life. As adults, we’ve learned this and have hopefully learned how to deal with losing. Kids, however, need help with this lesson, and it can be a hard one to teach – not to mention learn. But, learning how to lose gracefully can help children become more empathetic adults who can handle their emotions and who are good individuals. And because losing is hard on all of us, we’ve put together a few tips to help teach the art of losing gracefully to our children.

How To Teach Our Children To Lose Gracefully

• It’s Okay To Be Disappointed: If your child is disappointed after losing, let them know that it is okay to feel that way, but that they need to deal with those feelings in a positive way. Encourage them to try taking a walk, listening to music, getting in some quiet time, reading, or just give them a hug to help deal with their emotions. If they happen to go down a slightly destructive route like screaming or throwing things, let them know that is not an appropriate way to deal with disappointment and steer them towards another route.
  
• Learn From The Loss: While this one can be hard, use the loss as a learning opportunity. Reflect on the game or situation, and discuss what went well, what did not go so well, and how the situation can help your child grow as a person. Could your child learn that more practice would be helpful? More studying? Or a different approach to the situation? Use a loss to help your child learn and grow.
  
• Focus On The Effort: While the outcome of the game/event may seem like it is the most important thing in the world, the effort put in is all that we can really control. If your child practiced really hard prior to the game or studied for weeks and improved at something along the way, call that out to them. After all, “There’s Only One Thing In Life You Can Control: Your Own Effort” (Mark Cuban).
  
• Practice Good Sportsmanship: Let your child know that it is important to congratulate the other person/team that won. Talk about the effort that was put in by that person/team.
  
• Talk About Luck And Chance: In some scenarios, like board games, losing has very little to do with effort. The winner of the game may simply come down to luck or chance. Discuss this with your child and talk about the fact that some games are really all about having fun and spending time together.
  
• Be A Role Model: Adults face loss too, and we need to handle these losses in the same way we teach our kids too. When a loss happens, it’s okay to share some details with your child(ren) and explain your feelings and how you appropriately handled the loss, congratulate whoever won, thought through the effort you put in, and determine what can be learned from the situation.

Learning how to appropriately deal with losing early on, will help your child navigate the world as an adult. It will also help them become kind people, which is another key lesson to teach our children.

How To Teach Our Children To Be Kind

Kindness can be taught, but it takes repetition. And it takes a lot of modeling from the parents, and other adults, in our children’s lives. But learning how to be kind is such an important characteristic that it deserves a lot of attention and focus. Here are a few tips for teaching kindness to your children:

• Talk About Kindness: Let your children know that they should treat people the way they would like to be treated. Share stories about being kind, whether that is something you saw happen or something you read, share those stories with your children.
• Talk About Feelings: Help establish empathy by discussing the feelings that another person might be experiencing. Ask how your child would feel if they were in that situation and what might make them feel better.
• Smile And Give Real Compliments: You’ve heard the phrase, smiling is contagious, right? It’s true, and it’s an easy way not only be kind to others but to demonstrate kindness to your children. As is giving real compliments. Complimenting a friend, family member of co-worker is an act of kindness that can also brighten a person’s day.
• Involve Children In Volunteering: Volunteering can help children see beyond their daily lives. It can help children see that not everyone has access to books, daily meals or even toys. It can also help teach them that giving and helping others is not only kind, but that it can bring joy to the person volunteering as well.
• Discuss How Behavior Affects Others: Children do not always understand that the way they act, or speak, can impact others. Discuss this with your children and give examples. How did it feel when…? How do you think they felt when you said…? Calling attention to these situations can help children understand that their words and actions aren’t just about them – they are about others as well.
• Model Kind Behavior: Yep, our children are watching us. So be kind to others. Smile at someone in the grocery store, pick up that glove that someone dropped and give it back, hold the door for someone, say please and thank you. Do, say and act the way you would like your child to – they are most definitely watching.

More Life Lessons To Come

Our life lessons will continue next month, so we encourage you to check back. And, if you happened to miss our first two articles, A Lesson In Responsibility, By Way Of A Pile Of Socks and Don’t Be Afraid To Fail, Or Tell The Truth, head over to the Intivix blog to check them out.

And, in case you were wondering, my son’s hockey team pulled themselves up after that first loss in the State tournament and gracefully won their next two games, earning them Consolation Champs. While they did celebrate after winning, they also congratulated the teams they played as well as the coaches and refs that were also on the ice.

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